Flexing Your Poverty: The iPhone 17 Edition.

So, You’re Broke but Glowing With an iPhone 17? Congratulations, My Revolutionary Spender.”

Let’s talk, my people — especially my black people, but hey, everyone’s invited to the roast. 🤭

Because this iPhone 17 wave? My goodness. You’d think Apple was handing out citizenship papers with the purchase. You’d think that phone comes with a generator, an inheritance, and free Wi-Fi for life the way people are sprinting to buy it.

Now, before someone jumps in my comments shouting, “You’re just jealous!” — calm down, chommie. I’m not jealous. I’m just... confused. Deeply, spiritually confused. Because this year, even the people who can’t afford Nando’s extra hot sauce are suddenly walking around with the iPhone 17, doing TikToks with shaky ring lights and that “new money” smile.

Let’s be honest: most people didn’t buy this thing for the upgrade. They bought it for the up-status. They bought it to flex, to show they can afford it (or pretend they can), to “melt us” online. My race, oh! My beautiful black people — we are masters of transformation. Most of us might be broke, but we will look like Silicon Valley shareholders. 💅🏾

And yet, these are the same mouths that will say, “Colonizers this, colonizers that.” My dear, please, shut up. You can’t be dragging colonialism on Monday and queuing for the latest iPhone on Friday like it’s a new liberation struggle. You are fighting the empire while funding the empire — pick a side, comrade. 😭

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you can afford it comfortably — buy it, flex it, FaceTime your future. No one’s stopping you. But if you know that buying that iPhone means you’ll be eating bread and sardines for the rest of the month, please, my love, don’t be pressured. Pride is a luxury item too.

The truth is, a lot of us are falling for status over sense. We’d rather have a phone that impresses strangers than a savings account that impresses our future. We’re addicted to appearance. We’ve mistaken luxury for success and debt for progress.

Meanwhile, your real friends are still using their five-year-old phones, saving money, building things. They might not be posting much, but they’re at peace. They don’t need to prove anything.

So, next time you see someone flashing their iPhone 17, smile and whisper, “Nice phone — hope it came with a free financial advisor.” Because that, my chommies, is the true upgrade we all need.

The Girl Behind the Dreamer’s Pause

Witty. Honest. Not buying the hype — literally. 📱✨

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