By: Lilo Phedra | Date: February 1, 2025
There’s a strange kind of exhaustion that comes from waking up every day and doing the same thing. Cleaning. Arguing. Running errands. Scrolling through my phone for hours, music playing in the background, trying to drown out the frustration. And then, the next day, it all repeats.
I tell myself it’s just a phase, that things will change, but right now, I feel stuck. I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what my life would look like if things were different—if I had a job, if I had the freedom to just experience the world without guilt. But instead, I’m here. Waiting. Wishing. Existing.
I used to think I was just overreacting, that maybe I was being dramatic. But I’m not. This feeling is real. The loneliness, the frustration, the sense that everyone else has moved on while I’m still standing in the same place. The friends I once had—gone. Some moved away, others lost to time, their phone numbers disappearing along with them. I think about the friends I made at school, the ones I actually connected with, and now, they’re living their lives somewhere far from me. And here I am, still waiting for mine to begin.
It’s not just personal struggles that weigh on me—it’s everything. My country, Congo, is drowning in crisis, led by a president who does nothing. The world feels so chaotic, and yet, my own life is standing still.
I keep wondering if moving out would change things. Maybe if I had my own space, I wouldn’t feel like I have to explain myself to anyone. Maybe I’d go out without feeling like I have to justify why. Maybe I’d feel like me again.
I don’t have a grand conclusion to this. No big lesson or motivational ending. Just the truth: I’m here, and I’m tired. And if you’ve ever felt this way—lost, stuck, unsure of what comes next—just know that you’re not alone.🌺
I don’t know when things will change. But I have to believe that they will.❤️
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