The Lonely Road To Self Love - My Schooling Journey Part 1

Hey Dreamers !🌟

Every journey has its bumps, its unexpected turns, and moments that shape who we are. For me, it started in the classrooms of my elementary school years. Looking back at it now, it’s hard to believe how much my schooling years shaped my path. From the teasing and bullying to those rare moments of self-discovery, each chapter has taught me something invaluable.

School, for me, wasn’t always about acing tests or fitting in. In fact, it was often about navigating the storms of peer pressure, loneliness, and feeling like I didn’t belong. Yet, those very struggles gave me the resilience I carry with me today. It wasn’t always easy, and there were days I wanted to disappear into the background, but I learned that even the most difficult chapters in life can be the ones that build us up.

Join me as I take you on a ride through my early school years, from Grade 1 to Grade 7. From awkward moments to those little victories, this is the first part of my schooling story. And trust me, there’s much more to come.

Let's go! ☺️ 

When I first entered primary school, I was so eager to fit in, but nothing really seemed to work. I remember how I used to dress—looking back, it wasn’t exactly what I would call “on-trend” at the time. I wore this weird Powerpuff Girls outfit in Grade 1, and I could feel the stares of the teachers, especially those two popular twins. They giggled as I passed, and even though I was just a kid, I could feel the sting of their laughter. It hurt so much then, but now I see that it was just the beginning of the awkward moments I’d face in school.

Grade 2 and Grade 3 weren’t much different. I was still that kid who didn’t really fit into any group. My clothes were always out of place, and it was obvious that I wasn’t the “cool kid.” One of the toughest moments came when I posted a picture on Facebook for the first time—just a simple selfie, nothing special. But it became the talk of the school, and that feeling of being bullied on social media was a punch to the gut. A guy I once considered a friend turned on me, and his cruel words cut deep. It felt like nobody had my back, and I had to block him out just to escape the pain. That was a moment I’ll never forget.

As I moved into Grade 4 and Grade 5, things didn’t really improve. I was still dealing with the bullies, the teasing, and the feeling of being left behind. And don’t even get me started on the pressure I felt to be in a relationship. Everyone seemed to have someone—except me. I was the "ugly duckling," the one who was left out during Valentine’s Day, the one who wasn’t dating anyone, the one who didn’t fit in with the popular crowd. I felt invisible, like I was stuck in the background of everyone else’s lives.

I struggled with my self-image, constantly thinking that if I just dressed better or looked a little more like the other girls, I might finally be accepted. But when I tried to change, when I wore makeup or accessories that I thought were stylish, I was just met with criticism. I remember one of my so-called friends telling me that I shouldn’t wear makeup because it didn’t look right on me. Back then, I was just trying to fit in, but all it did was make me feel worse about myself. Looking back now, I realize that I was trying too hard to please people who didn’t care about me in the first place.

By Grade 6, I had grown used to being the outcast, but I still held onto the hope that something would change. It was in Grade 6 that I made a surprising discovery about myself. One day, in the middle of class, I found out I had gotten the highest grade in history. The teacher called my name out loud, and I remember standing there, stunned. For the first time, I felt proud of something I had done in school. That certificate at the end of the year made me believe that maybe, just maybe, I could do this—despite all the challenges I had faced. But after that, the spark faded. Grade 7 came, and I was no longer the student who stood out for good reasons. I just became another average kid trying to survive the drama that came with school life.

Grade 7 had its highs and lows. We had this teacher who seemed like he was going to be amazing, but he turned out to be just as frustrated with us as we were with him. We were the loud, rebellious class that drove him to quit halfway through the year. We had another teacher, a lady who wore a hijab and covered her body completely. We nicknamed her "Ninja" because of her attire, but the truth is, she had it hard with us. We made her life difficult, and I regret that. We were all loud, restless, and rebellious. I don’t think we gave her the respect she deserved.

By the time the Grade 7 camp rolled around, I was ready to leave the school. But before that, we had the camp to look forward to. They promised us it would be a traditional, fun-filled adventure with a campfire and bonding, but in reality, it was nothing like that. We stayed at the school for just one night, not two like they said. And what was supposed to be a night of singing around the campfire turned into a quiet, lonely experience for me. Everyone had a partner, but I was alone. I remember trying to dance, pretending to be carefree, but deep down, I felt the weight of loneliness. I didn’t fit in, and I felt it more than ever during that camp. But that was the reality I had to face, and I couldn’t change it.

I left primary school with mixed feelings. I was happy to be free from the bullying, the pressure, and the constant feeling of being an outsider. But I also left with scars—scars that came from years of being misunderstood and overlooked. The pain of those years still lingers, but I’ve learned that they were necessary for me to become the person I am today. Those early struggles with fitting in, with dealing with bullies, with finding my own identity, were all stepping stones toward growth. They taught me resilience, self-awareness, and most importantly, how to be true to myself.

It wasn’t a perfect journey, but it’s mine. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Stay tuned for the next chapter of my journey!❤️

A New Year, A Fresh Reflection

Happy New Year to everyone who stumbles upon this post. It’s the second of January, and while the year feels fresh and exciting, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions weighing on me. The reality of 2025 has hit me hard—last year, the thought of not attending college felt distant, almost unreal. But now, it’s here. It’s real, and it hurts.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I made and the paths I could have taken. The matric results are coming out soon, and while I’m nervous, I know there’s one subject I didn’t do well in. I’ve already accepted that I’ll rewrite it if I have to because I’m not ready to give up on my dreams.

But this isn’t just about me. It’s about anyone who might read this and feel like they’re at a crossroads, unsure of what’s next. It’s for the students still in high school who might think they have all the time in the world. Let me tell you something I wish I had fully understood: time waits for no one.

Looking back, I see how critical those Grade 11 and early Grade 12 marks are. Universities and colleges often look at those results closely, especially the first two terms. It’s not just about the final exam in matric; it’s about the journey leading up to it. And if you’re someone with big dreams but limited resources, start preparing now.

Apply for bursaries. Research scholarships. Ask for help if you need it. It might feel like a lot, but even a small part-time job during the holidays can make a difference. I used to think saving a few hundred rand wouldn’t matter, but now I see how even the smallest amounts can help you take that first step toward registering for your future.

And let’s not forget the life skills that school doesn’t always prepare us for. Things like getting a driver’s license, managing your time, and staying organized. These might seem minor when you’re in the thick of schoolwork, but trust me, they make a world of difference when you step into adulthood.

I know studying isn’t fun for most of us. It’s hard, it’s boring, and sometimes it feels pointless. But when you think about where it can take you, it’s worth it. Imagine the doors you can open, the dreams you can achieve, the life you can build—just because you were willing to focus and push through.

To every high school student reading this: take it seriously. Not in a way that makes you feel overwhelmed, but in a way that reminds you why you’re doing it. You have the power to shape your future. Yes, there will be challenges. Yes, you’ll make mistakes—I’ve made plenty. But it’s never too late to learn, grow, and try again.

As for me, I’m still figuring it out. This year might not look how I imagined, but it’s mine to navigate. I’m ready to face the discomfort, rewrite my mistakes, and build something better.

So here’s to 2025, to dreams, to lessons learned, and to every person out there who’s willing to pause, reflect, and keep moving forward.

"Beach Days, Small Chicken, and Big Thoughts "

This week has been a rollercoaster, and today was no different. I went to the beach with my three cousins, hoping for a fun and carefree day. While it started off lighthearted, it turned into something much deeper—literally and emotionally.

We kicked things off with food, expecting grand burgers and huge pieces of chicken. What we got instead? Chickens that looked like they skipped leg day and a burger so tiny it could’ve come from a kid’s menu. We laughed it off—because what else could we do? Food is food, right?

Once we got to the beach, it was everything I hoped for: the sun on my skin, the sound of the waves, and the carefree energy of people enjoying themselves. But I had my own internal battle to face.

The ocean has always been my fear.

I’ve never liked going too deep; the unknown beneath the water has always scared me. But today, I decided to push myself. For the first time ever, I went deeper into the ocean than I thought I could. My heart was racing, but I felt brave. It wasn’t much, but to me, it felt like a breakthrough.

Then reality, as it always does, caught up with us.

One of my cousins had to leave because her babysitter had an emergency and ran off to a wedding. (Yes, a wedding—African life is never boring.) So, we cut our beach day short and headed back.

The rest of the day was spent at my cousin’s mom’s salon. If you’ve ever been around African parents, you already know: errands. Non-stop errands. And somewhere in the middle of all that running around, my thoughts started to take over.

This week, romantic songs have been messing with my head.

I’ve had Reason With Me by Rude Boy, African Queen by 2Baba, Fall In Love by D’banj, and Love You Anyways by Johnny Drille on repeat. Each song pulls me into my own world, a world where I’m imagining my future, my dream life, my love story.

Here’s the thing: my mind keeps drifting to Nigerians. There’s something about the culture, the passion, and the connection I feel through these songs. But then I tell myself it doesn’t have to be a Nigerian. It’s not like I’m planning my life around this thought—it just happens. Still, the back-and-forth gets frustrating. Like, why am I so caught up in this? Why can’t I just focus on what life brings my way?

And that’s not even my biggest struggle.

When I got home, I was greeted by a messy house. I cleaned up, changed into something comfortable, and lay on my bed. That’s when the overthinking hit me like a wave.

Why is dating so hard for me? Why do I feel like I’m not enough? I don’t even have a part-time job yet, and the thought of asking my parents for help scares me. We’re not close—not in the way I wish we were. They’re just “Mom” and “Dad.” We don’t have deep conversations about my future or my feelings.

And then there’s me, feeling lost and wondering if I’ll ever be successful. If I’ll ever feel confident. If I’ll ever be seen the way I want to be seen. The tears came before I could stop them.

But here’s what I’m trying to remind myself: life isn’t perfect, and it’s okay to feel this way.

Today, I faced a fear I’ve had my whole life by stepping into the ocean. It might not seem like much, but to me, it was everything. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I’ll be heading to church. Maybe it’ll help me find some peace. Maybe it won’t. But it’s a new day, and that’s what I’m holding on to.

To anyone reading this who feels stuck like me: you’re not alone. We’ll figure it out. Somehow.

Until next time,

The Dreamer 

The Girls Behind the Dreamers Pause

You know that dream college you’ve always wanted to attend? That was me. I had my heart set on this beautiful private college that I’d been dreaming about for ages. And you know what made it even more special? It was the only one that accepted me, and it did so immediately—like, right after I applied. No long waiting periods, no endless anxiety. Just a simple, “Congratulations, you’re in.” It was fast, it was reassuring, and it felt like my dream was finally coming true.

But then, reality hit hard. The fees were way beyond what I could afford. I tried to find ways to make it work, like applying for bursaries, but the ones I found only funded other courses, not what I wanted to pursue. So, I had to let go of that dream, at least for now.

But I didn’t let it stop me. Instead of sitting at home feeling defeated, I decided to turn my gap year into something meaningful. I made a plan: take short courses and get a part-time job to build my skills and keep moving forward. After all, staying at home doing nothing wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t want to be a “free domestic worker” or housekeeper—I wanted to do something that felt productive and aligned with my goals.

Then, something exciting happened! I applied for a program offering short courses similar to what I want to do, and they accepted me. The only condition? I have to attend a free four-day job seekers workshop to confirm my registration. How amazing is that? I’m so excited about this new opportunity—it’s not exactly the path I envisioned, but it’s a step forward, and I’m grateful for it.

Now, I just need to let my parents know about my plans and make sure they’re on board. Communication is key, right? This workshop is my chance to learn, grow, and take another step closer to my dreams. It’s not the perfect scenario, but I refuse to sit still and let life pass me by.

Here’s to making the most of what I’ve got and turning this gap year into a year of growth and opportunity!

Until next time,

The Girl Behind The Dreamer’s Paws

The Girl Behind the Dreamers Pause

So, this is finally happening! After what feels like forever, I’m going out—but here’s the twist: this time, it’s not with friends. Instead, I’m tagging along with my cousins. Yep, my high school cousins.

Let’s get this out of the way first: I’m 19. My cousins are 16 and 15, and honestly, that feels like a crime against nature because they somehow seem older than me. Like, how does that even work? But hey, we’re rolling with it because today, we’re heading to the beach!

Now, let’s address my mini-crisis leading up to this. What would I wear? I don’t exactly have a closet full of beach-friendly outfits, and I didn’t want to look like the “mom cousin” either. I wanted something youthful, fun, and comfortable. After a borderline meltdown and digging through my clothes like I was on a treasure hunt, I found the outfit. Thank God, because looking the part is half the battle, right?

But let’s be real, the beach isn’t just about the outfit. It’s about the vibes—and I can’t wait to dive into those vibes! I’m looking forward to fighting (playfully, of course, because who doesn’t love a good cousin squabble?), eating some fast food, and just soaking up the energy of being out and about. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet someone interesting there. I mean, the beach is as good a place as any to stumble across a potential B.O.Y. friend, right? Hey, a girl can dream.

Sure, I’m older, but today, I’m determined to bridge that gap. I want to laugh at their silly jokes, prove I can still keep up, and maybe even remind myself how fun it is to just let loose. I hope I can balance being the cool older cousin while still enjoying that middle ground where I don’t feel too grown.

So here’s to a day of sunshine, fries, fun, and maybe even some unexpected surprises. Here’s to making memories, finding those little moments of connection, and hopefully not feeling like I need to “act my age” too much. Ooh, it’s gonna be fun. I hope.

Until next time,

The Girl Behind The Dreamer’s Paws