A New Year, A Fresh Reflection

Happy New Year to everyone who stumbles upon this post. It’s the second of January, and while the year feels fresh and exciting, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions weighing on me. The reality of 2025 has hit me hard—last year, the thought of not attending college felt distant, almost unreal. But now, it’s here. It’s real, and it hurts.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I made and the paths I could have taken. The matric results are coming out soon, and while I’m nervous, I know there’s one subject I didn’t do well in. I’ve already accepted that I’ll rewrite it if I have to because I’m not ready to give up on my dreams.

But this isn’t just about me. It’s about anyone who might read this and feel like they’re at a crossroads, unsure of what’s next. It’s for the students still in high school who might think they have all the time in the world. Let me tell you something I wish I had fully understood: time waits for no one.

Looking back, I see how critical those Grade 11 and early Grade 12 marks are. Universities and colleges often look at those results closely, especially the first two terms. It’s not just about the final exam in matric; it’s about the journey leading up to it. And if you’re someone with big dreams but limited resources, start preparing now.

Apply for bursaries. Research scholarships. Ask for help if you need it. It might feel like a lot, but even a small part-time job during the holidays can make a difference. I used to think saving a few hundred rand wouldn’t matter, but now I see how even the smallest amounts can help you take that first step toward registering for your future.

And let’s not forget the life skills that school doesn’t always prepare us for. Things like getting a driver’s license, managing your time, and staying organized. These might seem minor when you’re in the thick of schoolwork, but trust me, they make a world of difference when you step into adulthood.

I know studying isn’t fun for most of us. It’s hard, it’s boring, and sometimes it feels pointless. But when you think about where it can take you, it’s worth it. Imagine the doors you can open, the dreams you can achieve, the life you can build—just because you were willing to focus and push through.

To every high school student reading this: take it seriously. Not in a way that makes you feel overwhelmed, but in a way that reminds you why you’re doing it. You have the power to shape your future. Yes, there will be challenges. Yes, you’ll make mistakes—I’ve made plenty. But it’s never too late to learn, grow, and try again.

As for me, I’m still figuring it out. This year might not look how I imagined, but it’s mine to navigate. I’m ready to face the discomfort, rewrite my mistakes, and build something better.

So here’s to 2025, to dreams, to lessons learned, and to every person out there who’s willing to pause, reflect, and keep moving forward.

"Beach Days, Small Chicken, and Big Thoughts "

This week has been a rollercoaster, and today was no different. I went to the beach with my three cousins, hoping for a fun and carefree day. While it started off lighthearted, it turned into something much deeper—literally and emotionally.

We kicked things off with food, expecting grand burgers and huge pieces of chicken. What we got instead? Chickens that looked like they skipped leg day and a burger so tiny it could’ve come from a kid’s menu. We laughed it off—because what else could we do? Food is food, right?

Once we got to the beach, it was everything I hoped for: the sun on my skin, the sound of the waves, and the carefree energy of people enjoying themselves. But I had my own internal battle to face.

The ocean has always been my fear.

I’ve never liked going too deep; the unknown beneath the water has always scared me. But today, I decided to push myself. For the first time ever, I went deeper into the ocean than I thought I could. My heart was racing, but I felt brave. It wasn’t much, but to me, it felt like a breakthrough.

Then reality, as it always does, caught up with us.

One of my cousins had to leave because her babysitter had an emergency and ran off to a wedding. (Yes, a wedding—African life is never boring.) So, we cut our beach day short and headed back.

The rest of the day was spent at my cousin’s mom’s salon. If you’ve ever been around African parents, you already know: errands. Non-stop errands. And somewhere in the middle of all that running around, my thoughts started to take over.

This week, romantic songs have been messing with my head.

I’ve had Reason With Me by Rude Boy, African Queen by 2Baba, Fall In Love by D’banj, and Love You Anyways by Johnny Drille on repeat. Each song pulls me into my own world, a world where I’m imagining my future, my dream life, my love story.

Here’s the thing: my mind keeps drifting to Nigerians. There’s something about the culture, the passion, and the connection I feel through these songs. But then I tell myself it doesn’t have to be a Nigerian. It’s not like I’m planning my life around this thought—it just happens. Still, the back-and-forth gets frustrating. Like, why am I so caught up in this? Why can’t I just focus on what life brings my way?

And that’s not even my biggest struggle.

When I got home, I was greeted by a messy house. I cleaned up, changed into something comfortable, and lay on my bed. That’s when the overthinking hit me like a wave.

Why is dating so hard for me? Why do I feel like I’m not enough? I don’t even have a part-time job yet, and the thought of asking my parents for help scares me. We’re not close—not in the way I wish we were. They’re just “Mom” and “Dad.” We don’t have deep conversations about my future or my feelings.

And then there’s me, feeling lost and wondering if I’ll ever be successful. If I’ll ever feel confident. If I’ll ever be seen the way I want to be seen. The tears came before I could stop them.

But here’s what I’m trying to remind myself: life isn’t perfect, and it’s okay to feel this way.

Today, I faced a fear I’ve had my whole life by stepping into the ocean. It might not seem like much, but to me, it was everything. Tomorrow is Sunday, and I’ll be heading to church. Maybe it’ll help me find some peace. Maybe it won’t. But it’s a new day, and that’s what I’m holding on to.

To anyone reading this who feels stuck like me: you’re not alone. We’ll figure it out. Somehow.

Until next time,

The Dreamer 

The Girls Behind the Dreamers Pause

You know that dream college you’ve always wanted to attend? That was me. I had my heart set on this beautiful private college that I’d been dreaming about for ages. And you know what made it even more special? It was the only one that accepted me, and it did so immediately—like, right after I applied. No long waiting periods, no endless anxiety. Just a simple, “Congratulations, you’re in.” It was fast, it was reassuring, and it felt like my dream was finally coming true.

But then, reality hit hard. The fees were way beyond what I could afford. I tried to find ways to make it work, like applying for bursaries, but the ones I found only funded other courses, not what I wanted to pursue. So, I had to let go of that dream, at least for now.

But I didn’t let it stop me. Instead of sitting at home feeling defeated, I decided to turn my gap year into something meaningful. I made a plan: take short courses and get a part-time job to build my skills and keep moving forward. After all, staying at home doing nothing wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t want to be a “free domestic worker” or housekeeper—I wanted to do something that felt productive and aligned with my goals.

Then, something exciting happened! I applied for a program offering short courses similar to what I want to do, and they accepted me. The only condition? I have to attend a free four-day job seekers workshop to confirm my registration. How amazing is that? I’m so excited about this new opportunity—it’s not exactly the path I envisioned, but it’s a step forward, and I’m grateful for it.

Now, I just need to let my parents know about my plans and make sure they’re on board. Communication is key, right? This workshop is my chance to learn, grow, and take another step closer to my dreams. It’s not the perfect scenario, but I refuse to sit still and let life pass me by.

Here’s to making the most of what I’ve got and turning this gap year into a year of growth and opportunity!

Until next time,

The Girl Behind The Dreamer’s Paws

The Girl Behind the Dreamers Pause

So, this is finally happening! After what feels like forever, I’m going out—but here’s the twist: this time, it’s not with friends. Instead, I’m tagging along with my cousins. Yep, my high school cousins.

Let’s get this out of the way first: I’m 19. My cousins are 16 and 15, and honestly, that feels like a crime against nature because they somehow seem older than me. Like, how does that even work? But hey, we’re rolling with it because today, we’re heading to the beach!

Now, let’s address my mini-crisis leading up to this. What would I wear? I don’t exactly have a closet full of beach-friendly outfits, and I didn’t want to look like the “mom cousin” either. I wanted something youthful, fun, and comfortable. After a borderline meltdown and digging through my clothes like I was on a treasure hunt, I found the outfit. Thank God, because looking the part is half the battle, right?

But let’s be real, the beach isn’t just about the outfit. It’s about the vibes—and I can’t wait to dive into those vibes! I’m looking forward to fighting (playfully, of course, because who doesn’t love a good cousin squabble?), eating some fast food, and just soaking up the energy of being out and about. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet someone interesting there. I mean, the beach is as good a place as any to stumble across a potential B.O.Y. friend, right? Hey, a girl can dream.

Sure, I’m older, but today, I’m determined to bridge that gap. I want to laugh at their silly jokes, prove I can still keep up, and maybe even remind myself how fun it is to just let loose. I hope I can balance being the cool older cousin while still enjoying that middle ground where I don’t feel too grown.

So here’s to a day of sunshine, fries, fun, and maybe even some unexpected surprises. Here’s to making memories, finding those little moments of connection, and hopefully not feeling like I need to “act my age” too much. Ooh, it’s gonna be fun. I hope.

Until next time,

The Girl Behind The Dreamer’s Paws

The Outfits That Don't Fit

She stands in front of her wardrobe, staring at clothes that make her feel like she’s wearing someone else’s life. The dresses, the skirts, the blouses—they’re all from a different world. A world where she’s a woman in her late twenties, with kids, wearing outfits to church or family gatherings. They’re not the kind of clothes that make her feel alive, not the kind of clothes that reflect her teenage spirit. They’re just practical, comfortable, and—unfortunately—old-fashioned.

She can’t help but feel like she’s stuck in a time loop, wearing things that are years behind what her friends are wearing. She looks at them—the trendy outfits that her classmates wear, the ones that seem to define who they are. Her clothes don’t help her feel seen. They don’t help her feel like the person she knows she is inside. She feels disconnected, like she’s playing a role she never signed up for.

When she tries to explain to her parents that she feels old in these clothes, they don’t understand. “They’re nice, they’re fine,” they say, dismissing her feelings. But the truth is, they don’t get it. These clothes are not her. They’re for a life she doesn’t want. They don’t make her feel like the teenager she is, the one who wants to explore, to be herself, to wear what makes her feel confident and free.

She dreams of the day when she can buy her own clothes—clothes that make her feel like she’s part of the world she sees online, the world where everyone seems to have it all figured out. Maybe one day, she’ll be able to buy outfits that are trendy, that reflect her true self. But for now, it’s just her, trying to make the best of what she has—clothes that don’t fit, and a life that doesn’t seem to match the one in her heart.

Scrolling through social media, she feels the weight of everything she’s missing. There are her friends—out on dates, laughing, wearing outfits that make them look confident and free. They’re out there, living lives full of adventure and freedom. Meanwhile, she’s stuck at home, watching from the sidelines, scrolling through endless pictures of people living the life she wishes she could have.

She knows she’s different. She knows her life is not like theirs. She’s not going to parties, not out with friends, not dating or going on fun adventures. She’s at home, always busy with the endless list of chores—washing dishes, cleaning, looking after her younger siblings. Her parents don’t understand how she feels. They don’t get why she just wants to leave.

She wants to be her true self. She wants to step out of this house and into the world, to wear clothes that feel right, to have the freedom to be who she really is. She dreams of getting a part-time job, anything that will help her save up to leave. She just needs a way out. A way to get away from the constant cycle of chores and routines that make her feel like she’s stuck in a never-ending loop.

The world outside seems so bright, so full of possibilities. She wants to break free from the walls of her room, to wear the clothes that feel like her, to live the life that she knows is waiting for her. But for now, she’s waiting. Waiting for a job, waiting for an opportunity, waiting for the moment when she can step outside and start becoming the real version of herself that’s been locked inside for so long.

One day, she knows, it will happen. One day, she’ll break free from all of this. But until then, she’s stuck in this routine, just waiting for her chance to go out and find herself.