By The Girl Behind The Dreamer’s Pause
Let’s start with the basics:
No, I’m not a therapist.
No, I’m not married.
No, I’m not secretly engaged and typing this from a soft life compound with six kids and a Range Rover.
I’m just a Congolese girl — the girl behind The Dreamer’s Pause — speaking on behalf of the “figuring-it-out” generation. I’m not preaching. I’m just observing.
And observation #1?
We need to talk about this whole obsession with marriage.
Because apparently, if you’re not married by 25, some auntie is already lighting candles on your behalf. And if you make it to 30?
Don’t be surprised if someone starts a fasting chain just for your womb.
I still remember Grade 12 lunch breaks — the marriage debates were as loud as the bell itself. One girl said she’d wait till her 30s — "Let me live first." Another one said she’ll never get married, based on what she saw growing up. And honestly? She had a point. When you grow up watching emotionally unavailable men, toxic aunties, and marriages that feel more like hostage situations than love stories, you start asking questions.
Now, we didn’t attack her. We just told her the other side.
Because the reality is: nobody dreams of dying alone.
Let’s not act brand new.
No children. No grandchildren. No one to inherit your legacy. Just you, a hospital bed, and a nurse doing a double shift.
I don’t want that.
Let me repeat that louder: I do not want that.
Not me. Not my portion. Not in this lifetime or the next.
But then time happened. And perspective grew.
And I realized — you know what? It’s your life.
Marriage isn’t compulsory. It’s not oxygen. It’s not a human right. It’s a personal choice. And for some people, it’s a choice they shouldn’t make — ever.
Why? Because they’re toxic.
Not toxic-tiktok-aesthetic toxic. I mean real toxic.
Some people shouldn’t be in relationships at all — they need prayer, therapy, boundaries, and a season of holy solitude. Some people are not relationship material — they’re reflection material.
And while we’re here — let me throw this in quickly:
Although I’m not here to judge, I don’t recommend having children out of wedlock.
Especially if you come from a Pentecostal background like me — you already know the spiritual consequences. Children are blessings, always. But let’s not pretend there aren’t layers of generational drama that come with doing things the wrong way.
But again — I’m not your pastor. Just letting you know.
Now, speaking of generational pressure…
Let’s talk about my African people. My Congolese people. My people.
If you’re Congolese, you already know — if you’re not married by a certain age, you’ve basically failed womanhood.
Birthday party? Expect the prayer warriors to throw in a husband request while you're just trying to cut your cake.
Graduation party? Still a husband.
Cough in public? Someone’s probably whispering “maybe it’s the lack of a husband.”
And don’t get me started on how the prayers go:
> “May she find a man of God. May she be fruitful. May she bear many children. May she marry well.”
But where are the prayers for a beautiful career?
Where are the prayers for peace of mind, wealth, land ownership, and a paid-off house?
Why is a ring still the main prize?
There’s an old African proverb that says:
> “A woman without a husband loses respect.”
I thought we buried that proverb. Turns out, it just switched its outfit and joined the family WhatsApp group.
Look — marriage is beautiful.
It can be part of your purpose.
But it’s not everyone’s definition of success.
Some people want six kids and a white picket fence.
Others want peace, plants, and an offshore account.
And both are valid.
As for me? I know what I want.
My man. My six babies. (Yes, six — don’t ask questions.)
And trust me, I’ll be rich by then. Soft life certified.
But that’s my story. That doesn’t have to be yours.
💭 Pause With Me:
Marriage doesn’t make you complete.
And singleness doesn’t make you a failure.
But whichever path you choose, choose it boldly.
With wisdom. With healing. With God. With purpose.
© 2025 The Dreamer’s Pause. All rights reserved.
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