I watched this video clip that’s been haunting my thoughts ever since. A prophet—yes, a Nigerian prophet, though I don't know his name—stood boldly in front of his congregation and said something I still can’t fully believe came out of his mouth:
> “Women who want to get married must not buy a house. They should not even buy a car. They must stay with their parents, or a sister, until a man finds them. That way, it’s easier for a man to approach and marry them.”
Pause.
Did he even think about what he was saying?
I mean, what if I don’t have a sister? What if I have a brother—am I supposed to now ask him for permission to exist in my own life?
That statement shook me. Not because it was offensive or triggering. No. It hurt. It hurt because I’m a firstborn daughter. A girl child with dreams. A generational curse breaker. A woman trying to do better than the last generation—for myself, my future, and my family.
And now this so-called prophet is telling me that the very steps I take to grow, succeed, and survive are the reasons I might not get married?
Seriously?
There are millions of women around the world who are virtuous, who are kind, who are traditional, God-fearing, and who have bought houses, bought cars, graduated, started businesses, taken care of their families—and still got married. And not just married, but stayed married. Thrived in love and in life.
So when people say women who are “too independent” can’t be wives, I just shake my head. No—it’s not the independence, it’s the attitude and the persona. That’s the real difference. Some women use independence to compete, with men. To prove something. To play a game no one’s winning. But many of us? We’re just out here trying to build a better life.
Let me tell you something: I don’t believe men and women are equal. We are different. But different doesn’t mean I must shrink myself so you can feel tall. Marriage is two becoming one. So why is it such a threat if a woman brings a house, a car, and a plan to the table?
Your insecurities are not my assignment.
If I had a daughter, I’d want her to have her own space, her own money, her own mind. I wouldn’t want her waiting in my house hoping someone will find her more "approachable" just because she hasn’t moved forward.
And let’s be honest—there are some parents who want their daughters to stay home forever. I get that. But is that the goal? Should a woman’s destiny be tied to how passive or dependent she is?
There are so many of us who just want love. A real friendship. A husband who’s a partner. Someone we can build with, pray with, grow with. But now we have to worry about prophets—yes, prophets—telling us not to grow too much or we’ll scare men away?
I don’t know if that man is married. I don’t know what his wife was like when he met her. But I know this: women who have things are not the problem. Insecure men are. And even more dangerous are the insecure men with microphones and pulpits.
And women—we have to be careful. Some of us are too quick to fear pastors more than we fear God. We give some of these leaders more respect than we give our parents, our husbands, or even ourselves.
Not every prophet is your prophet.
Not every sermon is truth.
And not every “man of God” is a mouthpiece for God.
I’m not staying in anyone’s house just to be more “approachable.” I’m building. I’m moving. I’m becoming. And when my man comes, we’ll build together.
Until then—brother, please.
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